ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
