omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
