do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
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