we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize