I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
