You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
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