I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
