Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show youâ€
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