got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
