Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
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