I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
