Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize