i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
