I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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