do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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