We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
