and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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