Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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