i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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