I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
