Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
