If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I need to calm my uterus...
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
