Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Randomize
