I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Randomize
