My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
