..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
that is very illegal...i love you.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
