He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
