Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
