My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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