mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
