dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
