His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
