ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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