I hate your face
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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