I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
i love accidental penises.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
