PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
