I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
