This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
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