I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
