she was so not down for the gang bang
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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