I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
