we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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