I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
