I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
