I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
