Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
