Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
