Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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