So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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