Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
My life is pants optional.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
