kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
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