Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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