Will you blow on my dice?
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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