I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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