apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
