He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
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