In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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