The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
