Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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