Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
