"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Randomize
