I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
