feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
