He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
