How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
