dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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