K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Randomize
