My nipple is on Facebook.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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