You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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