I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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