I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
My dad just said "fuck circus"
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
