I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
