i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
