You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Randomize
