You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
