Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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