he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
