he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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