cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
