We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
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