Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
