Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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