Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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