Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
