Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
