Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Hippo gnu deer
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
