My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Randomize
