check it out our google latitudes are spooning
My liver just broke up with me...
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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