I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
