I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize