I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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