you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
