I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
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