i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I need to stop coming to work sober
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
