Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize