Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
