we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
