it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
