I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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