So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
